I am a genus!

Some how the song Maggie's Farm got stuck in my hwead while on vacation in Portland and it never all the way left. So I wanted to get it put on as a ringtone. This was 4 months ago and I just now figured it out. I initially asked my brother Keelan. He told me that it was really hard to do. That scared me off. Well, I a few minutes ago,I was looking up the lyrics to Maggie's Farm and there was a pop up that said "Click me for ringtones". So I did and within 1 min, Maggie's Farm was on my phone! Oh shit. Adrienne just called and there was no ring tone. Why am I so fing retardo about phones!!!!

Smoking

So there is this 2yr old in Indonesia that smokes 2 packs a day. This is the most Rat Pack kid I've ever seen. He's lighting one cig off another, whirling the butt around his fingers..."Can we get these ladies some fresh cocktails over here..." Yeah, baby, yeah...Very swingin'!!! I actually don't think this person is two. He's not babylike in his gestures or look. I would believe that he is a child, but severely physically altered. Maybe he is a Marlboro experiment gone all to...right. I thought Saylor Ripley was the only bad ass mutherfucker kid smoker. And he didn't start until he was 4y.o. Peel your eyes for toddlers skipping preschool and hanging out in front of convenience stores, trying to get people to buy smokes for them. Like I used to do with Amber Jones in 8th grade-ha!

There's drinks over here!

So I want to be a bartender. It is a dream of mine. Ever since I saw the movie Cocktail. So I bought a recipe book for cocktails. Some of them I am familiar with, others are a new delight. I totally want to start whipping up some of these concoctions and see how they taste. First on my list is a Singapore Sling.

2 oz gin
1 oz cherry brandy
1 oz lemon juice
1tsp grenadine
ice and cracked ice
club soda
garnesh with lime peel

This drink sounds devinefully decadent.

New York...Jerry Seinfeld

So I just wrote a whole big entry and my fucked up computer deleted it. So hereit is in short form:
I'm glad everyone now knows that Kelly is totally fucking crazy. Jill's hair looked great, but I'm glad she fell on her ass in that ridiculous skating outfit.

Jerry Seinfeld, you get my jackhole of the week award for being such a downer on Andy Cohen. You looked down on him for having a cocktail, using the term jackhole and acted like you were so much better than reality show stars ("who are these people? Who cares about them"). He is an angry old white man now.

Tried the White Out Mountain Dew. Tastes like watered down Mt. Dew and smells like sprite. I would vote for the lime Mt. Dew. They all tasted bad, though.

Burn

This nation needs a cleansing, some kind of drastic make over. I was thinking of purifaction processes and I came up with: Burn down the south. The north was right to burn Atlanta in the civil war. There seems to be so much hatred down here. When I was on the road out west this spring, people seemed to not be as gun crazy and redneck. Of course, there is Kansas...Nothing but billboards for XXX shops and anti abortion signs. I think we should get all the liberals and open minded people out of the south, relocate them to all the blue states.Oh, and Texas, you can suseed anytime. I won't miss you. The only thing I know about you, really, is that you have the top three fattest cities in the country. Oh, and oil. So now the south will have room for all the nutjobs from all over the country! We can build a huge fence with electrical wire on top around the south. We'll tell the south it's to stop mexicans from getting in. Then the rest of the country could make progress in making the US a major source for education, and new technologies, you know, breaking new ground in all aspects of American life, and hopefully global. We need to be looked at as strong. I think most other countries hate us or thinks we're morons. "Ha-ha! Stupid Americans!"

I know I spelled suseed wrong.

Please stop the rain!

How long has it been overcast and rainy? Seems like at least 2 weeks now. It makes me want to stay in bed and watch tv and nothing else. So I'm taking Sunday and going to louisville. Nicole is going to put me up for the night. Getting a rental car has become a real hassel! They want me to have at least $400 in my bank account, or they won't rent me a car for $60. They also want to do a credit check. Who the fuck do these assholes think they are??? I think it would be easier to buy a car! So, now my wonderful mother is taking me. Car vrental agencies are now on my hit list, along with skinny jeans and SVUs.
I watched Mtv for too long the other day and saw My super Sweet16. WTF! I never got a kick ass party in high school. I don't know anyone who did. I mean, I went to parties, but the parents never catered it. If I have a little girl, I would want her to have a big party when she turns 16. But I'm not taking out a mortgage on my house to pay for it! And these 'ladies' look like whores! I thought that about most of the girls I went high school with. I never looked whorish, but I always looked great. I hope my daughter will know how to be a fashionista while wearing underware at all times, and a supportive bra! (Brittany Spears, please no more nipples on display)

Crazer than Margo Kidder

"Al SAharpton!" "Al Sharpton!" "Al Sharpton!" screamed Kelly at the dinner table...

While waching tonight's fanastict episode of New York Housewives, I was releived to see Kelly to finally lose her shit and act completely crazy. I don't know why only Bethany knew she was a complete Whackado. It was obvious to me since she came on the scene. I mean, really, did you see how she looked in that poorly tailored purple dress? And her hair was frizzy and almost ratty. Yuck! As the night wore on, the new hot mama started saying that Kelly is chemically imbalanced. Please give some credit to the people who are actually imbalanced. I have never acted in a manner such as Kelly did. And next week looks like it will be the cat's meow. Jill is hopefully going to be put in her place by EVERYONE!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I used to love Jill, she is totally out of her mind with envy for Bethany's newfound success. And who told Jill it was cool to wear an ice skating frock? I mean, she's gotta be 45, she looks ridiculous! And why was she on the same ice as JOHNNY WEIR? Her punk ass should have been tossed out of there.

If I knew that I was being followed by cameras all the time, i wouldn't be such an asshole. You know, I might be a little snide, or look down on people. But I wouldn't talk massive piles of shit about people I know. I'd say it to her/his face!

Iron Man

Oh, Robert, you are so fing hot!!! Every year you age, you just get better looking. You made the movie. There were some hand issues I've been wondering about. Sam Rockwell's hands were stained with tanning lotion. It looked horrible. In fact, him and Mickey Rourke looked kinda orange. Also, the movie machine really tried to make Gwynneth look really young. Freckles, really? And bangs, really? While they were obviously trying to make Scarlett appear older. Long dark hair, milky white skin. I guess they wanted the audience to think they were the same age. Whatev. Also, I don't know, but is ScarJo supposed to be dressed like the Emma Peele character from the avengers? I actually really loved the fashions. Lots of pencil style skirts with simple tops. It was definately all about creating a certain sillouette. Very streamlined and sexy. Then there was an odd inuendo I picked up on between ScarJo and Gwenny. In a scene Gwenny is heard accusing SJo of incighting TTony Stark to drink and act out of control (like that's such a bad thing!) Then you see them working as somewhat of a team. At th end of the movie you see them getting out of a fancy car together. They have matching bags and very similar dresses on. They walk up a few stairs. It's actually quite hot. So, are the writer's implying that these two hot mamas are girlfriends, or what? At least a fling for Pepper. All in all, I really liked the movie. I give it 3 stars!

More Mt. Dewbage

Today I am trying mtn dew Typhoon. It is orangey with a little red in it. It tastes like mtn dew Livewwire with an after taste of coconut and fruit punch. It's not bad, but it doesen't get my vote. I actually think I like that Distortion flavor better than this one.
Just watched 9. Love it! The costumes and make up was phenominal! Especially Kate Hudson's go go outfit. Her hair was so big and bubbly. I want big and bubbly hair! The song she sang was perfect. 'Dark guys and skinny ties' That is so what I'm looking for! That beautiful, dark, sleek look. Not finding that in Lexington. Anyway, I totes reccomend this movie!

Mac Daddy

Well Macauley has been given a 24 hour reprieve. He's not in any pain, just very sick. But he's purring and wagging his tail.

I got you from the Woodhill Ghetto
Keelan made you a Chinese kitty
Through all the torture you were mellow
At your prime you ran the streets
Had it on lock down,had a main ho
You got really fat
It saved your life when you were shot, yo
Dubbed Thug Life, you took it easy, watched through the window
Now you are tired and ready to sleep
When you get there tell Butterscotch hello

Distortion

It is that time of year again: blockbuster movies, girls dressing mre hoochie and the new flavors of Mt. Dew. Each year 3 new flavors are sold and you vote on your favorite. I'm pretty sure this is how we got Code Red (nectar of the sugar gods. I have decide to participate in the election of a new Mt. Dew flavor that will probably never be sold again after this summer. Yup, i'm bored!! So anway, I was at the grocery store today and saw Mt. Dew Distortion. It's Lime Blasted! I'm eally thirsty s I begin to drink it as I finsh my shopping. I think that I've picked up a regular Mt. Dew. I check the label. Yup, Distortion. I start to really check the bottle well. It is greener and their is the ever so slight aftertaste of synthetic lime. Not voting for this one.

When I was little, I always drank Coke if I was drinking soft drinks. I called all soft drinks 'Coke'. EX:"Get an assortment of cokes when you go to the store". Then sometime in Jr high I began drinking Mt. Dew. I'm sure I had had Mt. Dew before, but now I loved it. I once made a cookies and cream Mt, Dew float. I highly reccomend this to anyone nwho likes Kathy Griffen's Icecream Soup, or is it cake soup? Anyway, i think you get the point. In high school, I would often have a Mt. Dew and Reece's cups for lunch. One of the first drinks I ever mixed was Gin and Mt. Dew. Revolting right?!!!

However, I do not like any other Pepsi product. I much prefer coke. Real Coke. There's nothing like sitting down to watch your favorite movie with popcorn and a Coke. I even like Coke zero.

I'm sure I love my cokes way too much. Must drink water!!!

The cat's meow

A disgusting ugly Sunday. But that's ok, because I am hanging out with my wonderful kitties! Steve is curled up at the bottom of his bed, on his back with his paws outstretched. Sweet Pea is laying on my side, just purring away. I could stay here forever.

Also having a dinner guest tonight! John Bull is coming over. Haven't seen him since Christmas. This will be a treat! Must get going soon to the grocery store. Maybe I'll whip up some pizza or...pizza.

walking

I have no car. I haven't had one since last year. So I pretty much walk or bus it around town. I say I don't mind but I do. The bus system sucks here in LexVegas. And people look at me funny when I'm walking down a busy road. The way I used to. I'd think, what a loser! Now I'm the loser. And what compounds this loserishness is that I have no means to even get a car. It makes me miss the cars I used to have. The Prelude was my first car. It was the shit! Black and fast and a lowrider! When Dazed and Confused came out, the song Lowrider was prominantly showcased. I used to ride around with my friends and liosten to this silly song and be so happy. A very frivolous thing to do, but man do I wish I had that car today. One time I was driving up to Chicago after winter break. When I hit Louisville, I set the crise control to 140. I made it up there ion something like 4 hours. Unfortunately it burned ot the engine. I never made it over 100 after that trip! I then dubbed it the Qualuud. Eventually Hunter inherited it. It died soon after. rip

New York Housewives

So Ramona is renewing her vows and takes 'the girls' on a nweekend bachalorette cruise. Why did crazy ass Kelly come? First of all she looks more manly in a swimsuit than RuPaul. Why is she always bashing Bethany? I hate her! I mean, she's dumb as a box of hair and rude. She doesn't know what the saying turning lemons into lemonaid means? really? Also goes crazy when someone says they're going to step on grapes to make wine. "That's food!" Really? "If you had it like this, you wouldn't give it away". Like she's so hot that she is above a one night stand? If I were there, I would have been arresstd for knocking her lights out.

The Countess must be really man hungry! That sleazeoid she went to the opium den bar is really gross. Or maybe i just really can't stand men with highlights in their hair. Also, Countess, turquiose jewelry should be worn a piece, or two at a time. The huge necklace and earrings would have done just fine. No need to add bracelettes to both wrists and a ring. How goesh. Also, that bizarre 'producer'...All he did was kiss her ass and make her think she could sing. Was he so fucked up that he couldn't show his eyes? What kind of professional wears sunglasses in doors, at work? He must have been really high to be able to tell LuAnne that he could never call her anything but "the Countess". If i saw my mom, or for that matter anyone I know, act like she does (i bet she could turn a lump of coal into a diamond) I would tell them how fake and uptight they appeared.


On another note, I was watching some documentory about heir and heiresses living in the city. Bianca Trump was included and some other young adults who were waiting on, or already got their inheritance. It made me think about me having children. I know that I will never die and leave my kids millions, but what can I do to give them a better life than I've had?
First of all, I would want to be able to have some family business that my kids could work for if they needed. I would help them find something they like to do that they could turn into a job. I wouldn't brain wash them into thinking that if they don't go to college, they'll be bums. My degree was a huge waste of time and money. I ended up drowning in debt with all the student loans. This may sound totes retarded but my dad told me I could go to whatever school I wanted to. I always thought that he was paying for college. But i ended up with all the debt. I would explain to my children that i would help pay for schooling, but they would be paying for at least half. I would tell them that they need to work extra hard to get scholarships. I don't know...basically, i would want to prepare them for life after college. Discuss graad school, or working or something. When I finished college, all I had was a diploma. No real world skills or any kind of plan. Maybe I'm a little bitter.

Chartreus

I was at Macy's today and I chanced upon the Inc. section. I looked around at all the manequins. They were wearing white and chartreus. It was a wave of lime. I was struck with a memory . It is the summer of 1990. Batman was playing at the drive in. I was at Sandei Cyrus' house dancing with her in her living room. I was wearing a lovely ensemble by Esprit. The shirt looked like a short jacket with puffy sleeves. Chartreus in color. I remember it showed my midriff and it was white on rice. But my face was pretty tan. It was paired with a very 'En Vogue' pair of long strait shorts. They were wide white and lime striped. Very reminescent of clown clothes! I thought i was so cute!

This makes me feel very old! I have lived through a fashion trend and lived to see it come back again. Yikes!!!
(I know i prob have lots of spelling errors)

Cats

I love my cats so much! It's something only other cat owners can understand. I hears about a guy who spent upwards of $20,000 to save his cat's life. He reasoned that he wasn't married, had no kids. So who else but his kitty should he spend his money on?

I want to dress my cats up in sailor outfits, ballerina costumes, tuxcedos, princess dresses, maybe evnen make one of them a leather kitty. And I don't care what anyone has to say about it!

i also want to take my cats on walks, with leashes. i want them to always be curled up in my lap, purring away while I rub their bellies.


I hope that I can eventually open a no kill shelter. Just have a big ass farm with hundreds of cats. I could sit on my porch in a rocker at sunset and watch all the babies running around and playing with eachother.

I love cats. Cats rule and dogs drool!

I'm just sayin'...

So what is up with all these Whitey McWhitesters wanting to make drug testing automatic for welfare recipients. Who the fuck do they think they are? These people have been let down by America and the least we can do is get them on welfare and let them lead there own lives. Most of these people have been let down by the education system, which leads to drop outs, which leads to having to do whatever it takes to scrape by in life. Who cares if they smoke a little pot? It's n ot like they can afford to buy a ton of it! Maybe it is white guilt, but until the government can provide some kind of future for it's poorest and worse off citizens, let them have a bit of false happiness. It's such a republican idea. Kind of like mandatory sterilizationon the poorest. I am not endorsing drug addiction as a way of life. I'm hust sayin...Give people who are down on their luck somesympathy. A lot of these same people who have this idea are the same people who partied all through college on their parent's dime. Should colleges start drug testing students while they live on campus? Obviously not, the whole collegiate system would go bankrupt.

I still believe that I can not be saved

Okay. Religion. I don't think I ever believed in God. When I was in second grade a nun told me that if I ever can't find something that I've lost, I should pray to some saint. I believed her. It worked the first time I lost my favorite heart shaped eraser. This led me to believe that God was magical, along with turning water into wine. The next time I lost something I prayed and it didn't work. That cemented my belief that their was no God. I mean I was like 7, so it's not like I actually thought, or said there was no God, but I felt it. I also hated the torture of sitting through mass. I mean, really, who wants to get up at 7 in the morning to make 8 o'clock mass. I thought that the priests were creepy and the nuns were mean. So by the time I was a teenager, I actually actively thought that there was no God, and religion was a mass delusion. That people who believed in God were delusional. There are facts and there is fiction. Science is made up of facts and religion is at the least is mythology. But I do believe that everyone has the absolute right to believe in whatever they want.

I am the jack hole

So after conferring with my mom, I am now aware that mother's little helper was valium, not qualuuds. How boring. My mom said that every time her mother went to the doctor they gave her a scrip for valium. Even if it was an ear ache. Another night of watching netfix movies. Been trying to write my story, having little luck. Everytime I sit down to write I am all over the place. Writing about the different character's backgrounds, hopes, wishes...It is hard to get to the point, or plot of story. I know it will all come to me eventually. I've only been writing for a month. It takes some writers years to finish a novel.

My youngest brother came home today from college. As usual he didn't want to spend any time with me. I know I am 14yrs older than him, but it still bothers me. I remember him as an adorable white haired little toddler. I guess I do live in the past too much.

mother's Little Helper

just got done watching a video on youtube of Mother's Little Helper. Oh doctor please, some more of these. Outside the door she took four more... Then I started reading what people had posted. All these idiots were arguing about what the little yellow pill was. I always thought it was a qualude. But these jackholes were going on about how it is a valium and what strength it was. Is it blue or yellow or white? THey all disagreed as to what strength of valium it was. But, they were actually referring to the the generic, diazapam, and what colors match those strengths. But there was no generic for valium back in the 1960's. They actually had real valium with a v cut out of the center of the pill. So all these people are stupid, i am a genius! ha ha. People are so wrapped up in modern culture that they forget the past. However, sometimes i think I live in the past to avoid our modern culture

Obama

Are the republicans smoking crack and sniffing glue at the same time? Anderson Cooper had some jackhole doctor in the army is demanding Barack's birth certificate. he wouldn't answer very many questions. His lawyer spoke for him. WTF! Obama is his superior. And he has already proven that he was born in Hawaii. I hate republicans. They are actively undermining any positive change that the democrats are working so hard on. I am much more scared of a repulican than an Arab person. I want to move out of the country someday. I'd like to move to Amsterdam where everyone has common sense and isn't trying to sabbotage the country's forward thinking! I hate republicans because they are biggoted, uneducated, rednecks who want to tote guns everywhere. Probably to kill abortion doctors, because fetuses have a right to life. Repubs can suck it!

the bus

I have been riding the bus for about a month. I have ridden the public transportation in Chicago and DC with no problems. I wish I could say the same about the Lexington Transit Authority. None of thetimetables have every stop listed. They also do not list all times for inbound. So you have to call the customer support line. They are very nice, but they shut down at 6 pm. So if your out at night, your are up a creek without a paddle. There are also typos on the schedule. For example, in Hamburg, Polo Club lane is listed as letter G. However when you look for the Polo Club stop under 'Quick Reference' it is listed as E. So I never know exactly when to get to my stop. There are a million other other problems with the transsit program. All of them are fixable without spending a lot of money, or could be fixed for free.

It's funny. I used to hate riding the bus. Now I enjoy meeting people at the bus stop. I hear some crazy stories. But it reminds me that people are pretty much good deep down. Strangers have helped me figure out what time the bus will arrive and given me tips on bus riding in Lexington. I like to people watch. The younger ladies on the bus have opened my eyes to an entirely new style. Skinny jeans, even if your not skinny, and really nice summer shirts with their bra straps hanging out. But the bra straps are really cute. I used to have a couple of dresses that I accented with some beautiful patterns. I particularily liked my leopard print Marilyn Monroe bra under . a brown jumper. It also harkens back to the early '80's when Madonna busted out the men's boxers as street clothes. Anyway, I realized that the '80's are ruling the youthful look. I also realized that I will never be part of this fashion movement. I am way too old to be showing off my bra and wearing pants so tight that my girth flops out over top of them.

There were skinny jeans in the '90's but they weren't called skinny jeans. I don't know if they were called anything. I called them heroin jeans because that's what Renton wore in Trainspotting.

Gray Gardens

I just watched the HBO movie Gray Gardens. It is about a mother and daughter, both named Edie, who lived in a fantasy world. Edie, sr. was married to a very rich man. She lived in the Hamptons with the children while he cheated on her in the city. She took a lover of sorts after her husband left her. I'm pretty sure he was gay. He would play the piano while she sang and danced. Then her,now, ex-husband died and he didn't leave her anything but a trust. Her two sons were in charge of it. For years, little Edie talked and talked about going to new York and becoming a famouse actress. But she never went. They had no money and the two of them rotted away in a decaying house. It was the first documented case of hoarding that I heard of. So Edie,jr.'s hair fell out and she got old and wrinkled. But she always saw herself as a young vivascious girl, still trying to get her brake into entertainment. The movie shows how time ravages the body and mind. It solidifies my fear of aging. When I go out, I still see myself as I looked in my early 20's. Thin, pretty, long dark hair...but I'm not. I am a middle aged fat woman. In the past few years my body has started to sag and wrinkle. Yet I feel the same as I did when I was younger. I still want to flirt with handsome men. I want to be able to go out and not have to have any money because men would buy all my drinks and cigarettes...maybe a meal. That hasn't happened in years. If i were a rich woman , I would definately have some things lifted, a little botox... but I'm not rich. So I use wrinkle cream, maybe get a chemical peel.

Edie,jr. realizes at the end of the movie that she did miss 'her moment in the spotlight' because she never left that horrible house. I feel like I missed my chance too. I should have left KZentucky and never come back. Now I feel very stuck. Like i'm waling through quick sand every day, and everyday I'm sinking deeper into this life that I don't like at all.

Housewives of New York

Well, its Thursday night and the Housewives are on the tele. I love Bethany! I think it's awesome that she waited to get married until she was ready. However I think she definately could have done better. All he ever does is complain to her about how she lives her life. Ex: he got mad at her sending picture mail of her PETA shoot, getting mad at her for the news of her pregnancy getting out on the internet. Also, he's kinda ugly!

I love this cocktails and couture party! It's the kind of party I've always wanted to have. I've never had a great house to have it in. Maybe i should get into fundraising so I can have fabulous parties. Speaking of fabulous, I went out to Spindletop for an art class. We did a landscape. I painted a tree. It's pretty pathetic looking. This lady next to me kept complaining about how she didn't know what 'the acrylic look' was supposed to be. WTF? It's paint. Make it whatever you want!

So Ramona lost her father, now Bethany is. Ramona's father was abusive and Bethany's father was absent. My father has been pretty absent, and when he was around all we did was fight. So I don't know what I'll feel when he passes (I DONT want him to pass EVER). He does so many things that anger me, but now instead getting into a fight, I just take a breath and remember all the things he has done for me. Back to bethany...She's getting her own show. Yes!!! I hope they show her wedding. Especially her wedding dress. She was 7 months pregnant when she got married. The dress looked hideous. It was shaped like a sausage with her belly sticking out. Almost any dress would have looked a million times better!

So the countess is a singer now? Money can't buy class. Okay Luanne, let's get real. How classy is that loser you left the that party with? He looked slimey and needed hair plugs. He's also shorter than her. She has no curves, she really has a man's body. Is that what all models look like naked?

Ramona doesn't seem like the craziest one this season. It's a toss up between Kelly(hot tranny mess) and Jill(super Jew). Kelly I think is actually crazy. i don't know what what her diagnosis would be, probably a multiple diagnosis. Jill just got on her high horse. She thought that she had done SO much for poor little Brthany that Bethany owed Jill. Like Bethany had to check in with her and be her lap dog. What ev! Jill is fakaktah! Why is she yelling at Ramona fr telling everyone that Bethany's dad died.

Alex is so right! Jill is a wolf in sheeps c;othing. Jill wouldn't let Alex even talk. Jill is a mean girl. She gave an interview a couple of years ago. She stated that she was really unpopular in high school. She's obviously over compensating for her feelings of inadequesness left over from school.